1. A professional dog cuddler.
2. The person who oils up Michael B Jordan for a photoshoot.
3. The fifth Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
4. Someone who teaches mums who celebrities are, and explains to them that they are not in fact someone we know.
5. The fifth Powerpuff girl.
6. Someone who makes sure that Ikea displays are just the right amount of chic and homely, but literally in the home they live in. Basically, I want free bedding.
7. Mystery free sample taster.
8. A scientist who conducts research into where the best places to pet dogs are.
9. Someone who gets paid to cry on the bus rather than doing it for free.
10. Someone who eats the meals that celebrity chefs make on cooking shows.
11. A water-slide-tester.
12. An internet town crier, someone who calls out what’s fake on the internet by just shouting “FAKE” into the abyss.
13. A fluffy blanket quality control manager.
14. Secret agent without any of the danger.
15. An accountant for the restaurant Remy owns in Ratatouille.
16. Someone whose job it is to watch cute hedgehog videos.
17. CEO of a business that fits hamsters with top hats so that they look smart for their next job interview.
18. A trampoline-tester.
19. Someone who stands next to celebrities as an example of what normal people look like.
20. Someone who does an Olympic event first as an example of how terribly a normal person would do the sport.
21. Someone who sings before a professional singer does to remind the audience about how much worse they could have it.
22. A chocolate-fountain-reviewer.
23. Someone whose job it is to tap devil’s advocates on the shoulder and tell them to stop, just stop.
24. The ninth member of the new Ocean’s 8 cast.
25. The person whose job it is to get One Direction back together.
26. Someone who has to calm down dogs while they’re getting groomed.
27. A chef for all animals with whiskers.
28. Someone who actually tells cereal bar companies the truth about how bad cereal bars are.
29. Someone who shows kids how to draw that “S” we all drew in primary school.
30. A re-enactor of The Lizzie McGuire Movie.
31. Full-time cheese-twist-taster.
32. Someone who presses a big red buzzer every time men at panels say “this is more of a comment than a question really”.
33. An office manager, but the office is a bouncy castle and no one works for the company.
34. Someone who shows models how not to walk down a catwalk.
35. Someone who hangs around celebrities one day a month to keep them grounded.
36. A dressing gown quality control manager.
37. Someone who conducts research for Netflix on how much a person can binge their shows.
38. Junior nap scientist, but without any of the sciencey parts and just the nap part.
39. A time traveller whose main job is to go back and warn everyone not to make Harlem Shake videos.